Monday, November 7, 2011

Onboard Brain Navigation: Your Brain Is Too Complex To Be Run By An Amateur Like You

The Just for Fun series of distractions:

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 Complicated Brain Activity

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Onboard Navigation

Your brain is highly complex, in fact it is a universe, or better it is a ‘Diverse’ of many, many aspects.

In fact your brain is so complicated that you will never be able to understand it and certainly never be able to manage.

So don’t waste your time, leave it to the professionals!

This is the position taken at a recent Harvard conference of psychologists and psychiatrists.

The age of Onboard Brain Navigation (OBN) is here!

According to Dr. Roger Cloudbank:

“The problem is that the human brain is a mutation. The billions of neurons are the result of a runaway process in nature. We have far too much redundancy in our brains, way too much space on our hard drive.

Why did nature do this? We don’t know. The huge surplus of capacity in the mind leads to a complexity that ordinary humans cannot handle. But fortunately nature created another mutation, the Brain Manager. So now we can offer a solution to this problem of excess neurology.

One mutation serves another. This new professional is really neither psychologist nor psychiatrist at all, this is a new occupation which occupies the mind of the patient, he is a sort of controller or manager. He substitutes his knowledge and skill for that lack of knowledge and skill of the patient, he becomes the will and the director of patient’s brain.

You know its just like Cloud computing, the lonely brain shares computing space with other brains, and everyone gets their needs satisfied."

In his new book, Cloudbank outlines the history of psychology and therapy: First is the stage of Sigmund Freud, in this stage we have psycho-therapy. The premise is that the individual needs help but ultimately the individual is in control.

The second stage is that of drugs, the age of the psychiatrist. But the problem with this epoch, which we are now in, is that drugs are very crude. Though they are efficient we have no sophistication, no nuance. People get put into general states that are partly non-functional. The method works by limiting behavior and fixing it into a single state. Though the positive aspect of this strategy is that it tries to reach millions while traditional psycho-therapy is limited in its reach.

The third stage is that of direct management of a psyche. Professionals give daily instruction on issue and problems. This stage may be called “substitution” or “expert direct management” or “direct mentorship”. This new phase is designed to be as complex as psychotherapy but at the same time as popular in its influence as drug strategies.

Cloudbank ties this new strategy to modern electronics. “The internet allows this to happen, this technology provides the condition for a Brave New World....And even better if we could raise children to respond to a PAPA figure. They would have a professional in the form of father figure who throughout their lives would guide them.”

Who is PAPA? It is a name given to one’s direct mentor. An account is developed for each person, in it is a vast psyche history from birth to death. On a daily, even minute by minute basis, PAPA would provide advice and guidance to the user. Because the software intimately knows the patient, the advice is accurate and effective. All the user has to do is simply follow it!

Questions asked to a beta tester of the system give you some idea of the process.

“What is this software like?”

“Well, it’s like my onboard navigation system in my car.”


“Yes, I like it, I have no idea where I am, where I’m going. I feel secure and taken care of. So I can listen to music, play games, do other things and not worry. The navigation program will direct me in detail. I just do what it says. So I just enjoy things.”

OBN will offer advice on thousands or problems from breaking up with your girlfriend, moral quandaries, handling difficult people, communicating with your boss, standing up for yourself, self identity, critical life choices, how to deal with anger or depression, gaining the trust of your cat and so much more.

An objection was registered with Dr Cloudbank:

“Aren’t these people becoming completely dependent on PAPA?”

“Sure, that is the point.”

“But people are losing all sense of direction becoming very dependent. And if computers take overall tasks then what is left for the individual to do? If everything is provided for them by software then what?”

“No, there are millions of other things to do. They can do so many other things -- travel, shop, chat, paint pictures, work, invest in stocks, just enjoy activities. Now they don’t have to stress about emotional issues, we resolve those issues for them easily.”

“But then they develop no self knowledge or skill, and ultimately don’t know who they are.”

“Yes, but they don’t have the ability to develop that anyway, remember, the brain is far too complex for them to understand, it is too complex and chaotic and changing minute by minute. Mother Nature is not perfect, remember this is a strange mutation that made us smart, unfortunately the downside is that we got too smart, beyond our capabilities.”

“Just because it’s complex does not mean it is unmanageable. It just means it takes a while to figure it out, and that we have endless growth.”

“That’s the old idea of Buddha or Freud, it’s so wrong. But in a sense they are right, to make you feel better, just consider this system an onboard, built-in priest or counselor. They do not do well on their own, can’t you see that? So the advisor is put right inside their heads, what’s wrong with that?...Actually, on their monitor.”

Onboard Brain Navigation is the term for this new field of "e-therapy", it results from the merger of psychology with the internet.

Internet Service Providers are highly interested in this new type of “Service”. Venture capitalists are talking about setting up “Incubators” to research and develop this new technology.

Business strategists are debating whether the service should be free or whether it should be paid for. A consensus is emerging that pop-up advertising, or PAPA Pop-ups might be the solution.

Corporate Marketing departments are very interested in the uses of the OBN. 

Both the leadership of the Republican and Democratic parties are considering a OBN of their own.

Onboard Brain Navigation is coming soon to a cranium near you....

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by Meul

I'm Your Puppet

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